CRYSTAL BALL: future fashion regrets


I actually think girls look great in mom jeans. Keep going!

It’s a well known fact that fashion is cyclical; trends that we’d left behind in the nineties are now back in full force on our high streets, but there’s also a tonne of stuff that we’ve all agreed never to revisit (see: mullets). We arrogantly assume that modern fashion is free from these embarrassing moments, but I’m sure that’s exactly what our older family members though in the 1970s. And look at those photos now. Giant flares? Giant shirt collars? Eyebrows plucked almost into disappearance? I’ll happily leave those in the past, thanks.

So, what current trends will we be cringing over in the future? Here are my predictions:

1. ‘Instagram brows’. I think the name says it all, you know what I’m talking about; brows that look like they’ve been airbrushed on, with no discernible hairs, often very rectangular on the inner end. TOO neat with a weird gradient. I love a strong brow, and I haven’t plucked minefor years, but when I see girls with this heavily ‘done up’ look, all I am seeing is a bunch of people who don’t know that their technique originated in the drag community.

2. Heavy contouring. I know, I’ve recently written about my own makeup routine, which includes contouring, but what I’m talking about is essentially painting features in, rather than emphasising what’s there. Contouring isn’t a new technique, it’s been used in theatre and photography for years, where faces tend to look ‘washed out’ under heavy lighting, but for everyday wear, I prefer to see healthy skin that’s been allowed to breathe. I predict that in a few years’ time we’ll be looking at it the same way we look at the heavily powdered faces of the late 19th and early 20th centuries – not inherently ugly, but really ‘of its time’, and very dated. You know when you see grandmas with that caked-on powder and too-pink rouge? That’s you in 60 years.

3. Health goth. That monochrome, basketball-shorts-over-leggings thing that people are doing? Your future kids will not think that look is as cool as you do right now. I’m sorry.

4. Trainers with everything. I really like this trend, actually, but I feel like we’re at the tail end of a kind of ‘casual revolution’ that started in the 1980s? We’ve come a long way from neon shell suits but one of the things that has stayed strong is casual footwear. We’re now seeing guys wearing tailored suits with trainers, mixing dressing up and dressing down. I think it looks great, but I’m not sure how long it’s going to be before this turns into a blip in the constantly changing face of fashion, or if it’ll turn into a wardrobe classic. I’m praying for the latter – comfy but tailored? I’m all for it.

5. Normcore. Already for me this just feels like a tacky appropriation or mocking of regular people who just aren’t hugely into fashion. If you’re going out of your way to make yourself understated and indistinguishable, you’re going to fail. Like, just stop trying so hard. If you like grey jumpers and straight-cut jeans, power to you, but it becomes really unpalatable to me when it turns into a kind of comment on what other people are doing with their lives. I think people are going to look back on this and regret not wearing things that they loved, because they were more interested in being ironic or commenting on the state of fashion or whatever. There’s a real attractive quality in being earnest, that’ll never go out of style. Irony and saltiness don’t look good on anyone.

I’m not the fashion police. Like I said in my last point, wear what you want, and if you want to be a contoured, power-browed health goth, you do you. It’s fun to think of the way things we once loved totally repulse us once we’ve moved onto the next trend, though, isn’t it? What trends do you see yourself cringing over in the future?

– Niko


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